I’m dusting off my website today. And it feels good.
It might look messy, disorganized, not have enough buttons or a clear “shopping cart” add-on. Mostly, as of today, it’s a work-in progress, because I largely know nothing about it. “It” being what it takes to make a functional website, keep up with social media, and become a working artist. And that’s what I’m doing this year – pursuing the life of an artist, illustrator, and creator.
This year feels different, because I finally got it in my head what number of things in life take practice. Actually literally everything; socializing, driving, eating healthy, learning a new language, scheduling time to learn a new language, going to sleep on time… There is nothing humans are inherently good at. And, for most of us, each thing we hope to achieve must be actively and wholeheartedly pursued. To neglect is to let perish. Indecision is a decision. Relationships, cars, homes, skills, and achieving goals can be neglected, or pursued to thrive. You show up to what’s important to you.
The issue with learning this, is then getting used to that uncomfortable feeling ad nauseum (which is a feeling you have to practice being ok with). The discomfort of doing something (or ten things) every day that you’re not yet good at, and then also forgiving yourself for not yet being good at it. Last night, I stayed up too late and slept in this morning. Not yet good at that. And this morning, I was uncomfortable when I already felt behind. But over the weekend, I meal-prepped for the next two weeks, and I’ve gotten pretty good at that. I thought that I sucked at strategizing and building out long-term goals. Still do. But guess what’s also a skill?
Another thing I’m practicing, is trying to film my art progress. Pulling out the camera, trying to get the angle right, get the lighting right, make sure I’ve got enough camera storage, remember to switch angles, etc… I find it excruciatingly painful. But that’s only because I haven’t done it 100 times yet. Maybe it’ll help thinking ahead; imagining myself in 3 months thinking nothing of it and having figured out the angles, timing, and scope of filming. I do know this: it’s painful because I’m not good at it yet, not because it will always be painful.
I’m building my portfolio. The pain-point is that I don’t think I should spend time on this because I’m not profiting. It feels “too fun” and “selfish,” if you will. I’m sure a psychologist would have a very poignant phrase for that feeling. I’m focusing on what I want to paint: book covers, video game stills, game card designs, and fantasy illustrations. Do I know how to find a job doing that? No. Not even a little. Have you ever tried Googling “book publishers hiring illustrators” or the like? Well, the results are very unhelpful. So this won’t be easy. And in the meantime, my breadth of work needs some serious padding.
So that’s where I’m at. The beginning.
And the end might look nothing like I imagine, but if I’m moving forward, I can follow the path as I discover it. It just takes practice.
You can follow my journey here, in blog-form, and on my Youtube and Instagram. Thanks for reading!
